My in-laws live on a small farm.
For a few summers Br., W., and I lived with them. During one of the summers, my Dad-in-law was working on building a shed in the backyard.
He was working by himself. For some odd reason, he thought it would be ok to leave his hammer on top of the ladder.
Then he forgot about it, and tried to move the ladder.
Bad. Idea.
W. and I were inside with sister-in-law one, her husband, and their two daughters; fuzz head, and unimpressed. Br. was at work. We were all enjoying a movie when Dad-in-law came in and sat down. We all just assumed he was joining our little party.
Then we found out...
...We were very wrong.
Dad-in-law had a scout meeting, and knew that if he went to the emergency room, he would miss it. So instead, using his ingenuity, decided to have sister-in-law one stitch it up for him! I was feeling rather grossed out. Sister-in-law one's husband grew up in a house full of boys. He wasn't phased by the situation at all. Apparently, his mother was quite practiced in stitching people back together.
I am still puzzled as to why we thought it was a good idea to heed the request of a man who just got hit in the head with a hammer.
After several minutes of studying a certain stitch on youtube, practicing by drawing on a napkin, numbing dad-in-law's head with an ice cube, and sterilizing I believe dental floss in some hydrogen peroxide, it began. Luckily, W. decided it was the perfect time to eat. I don't know how sister-in-law one did it. The thought of shoving a needle through someone's flesh, and dragging "thread" through it, kinda makes me want to vomit.
While I was in my room nursing W., I got a phone call.
Lucky for me, mom-in-law had been trying to call dad-in-law. When she couldn't get through to him, she decided to give me a call. She asked me if dad-in-law was sleeping, and if that was why he wasn't picking up his phone. For some reason, I couldn't think of a way to say "I know why he wasn't answering, but I'll let him explain when you get home." Instead, I told her what had happened.
As you can imagine, she was not all that pleased with my tale. They happen to have insurance. Insurance which would have covered the trip to the ER, and made sure the wound was cleansed and properly sutured.
I tried to make W. eat faster. I wanted him to be done so I could warn the others. But, being a baby, he took his own sweet time. He finished just as mom-in-law was pulling into the driveway. I ran out to warn my comrades. It was too late for dad-in-law. He was in the bathroom checking out his patched head. I only had time enough to warn sister-in-law one and her husband.
As soon as I had finished speaking, mom-in-law came through the door. She simply asked "where is he?" If you like, you can read that in a Batman kind of voice. It might be more accurate.
We waited as the poor, helpless, wounded gazelle was devoured by the lioness.
